install theme

alwaysfaithfulterriblelizard:

you know how the sentence “i never said she stole my money” has a different meaning depending on which word you put the stress on? same is true of “have you ever had sex with a pharaoh?” i’ve been thinkin about that for like 10 minutes now

niick4:

Running seems like a great idea until you actually start running

metalhearted:

Playing Flappy Bird:
“Alright last game” *dies*
“Alright last game” *dies*
“Alright last game” *dies*
“Alright last game” *dies*

tiorickyaoi:

I’m sick of people wrongly defining bisexuality. It’s not ‘attraction to both men and women’ it’s about being attracted to ‘bi’ things like bicycles, binoculars, bilinguals and binary coding smh

sherlockis-actually-a-girls-name:

eatsleepcrap:

gumballsofdoom:

eatsleepcrap:

taleasoldastimelords:

eatsleepcrap:

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

What

No eye deer!!!

Now what do you call a person with no eyes?

No eye person

Kevin

fuck you

arrogantdad:

my mom told me that in high school she use to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad

scaryanal:

will you marry me? lol its for a friend

(Source: sheeranal)

icarly-official:

why do teenage girls hang out in odd numbers?

because they can’t even